Lovely When it Doesn't Hurt

End of Indian summer, non threatening love-making
In the first time in forever,
Laughing panting kind of way
That doesn't make me feel like I'm being robbed
From the inside out
That doesn't leave me

Feeling like sacrifice,
Thanksgiving turkey
Just some sizzling hot golden thing
With a hole at each end
Something dead, and dazzling
And put on a silver platter


I have been purging
The shark-tight grip
Of a literal twist of my young arm


No more voiceless nightmares
My body wasn't made for someone else
No more fistfuls of survivor lies
Survivor guilt
Self blame and self inflicted....
It's good to have consequences
Lie back and stare at a wall

Lie back and stare at a wall

My American dream

Has been touched and fucked and broken 

And the blackheart of it all

Is the straight faced normalcy 

That came with it 

Oh to thank a warm body

For giving me what I want

All I wanted was to be listened to

Closely, like the snap of a twig 

Among rustling leaves

In a forest that may be haunted 

Rarely have I ever been grateful in the fall

It's lovely when it doesn't hurt