Lovely When it Doesn't Hurt

End of Indian summer, non threatening love-making
In the first time in forever,
Laughing panting kind of way
That doesn't make me feel like I'm being robbed
From the inside out
That doesn't leave me

Feeling like sacrifice,
Thanksgiving turkey
Just some sizzling hot golden thing
With a hole at each end
Something dead, and dazzling
And put on a silver platter


I have been purging
The shark-tight grip
Of a literal twist of my young arm


No more voiceless nightmares
My body wasn't made for someone else
No more fistfuls of survivor lies
Survivor guilt
Self blame and self inflicted....
It's good to have consequences
Lie back and stare at a wall

Lie back and stare at a wall

My American dream

Has been touched and fucked and broken 

And the blackheart of it all

Is the straight faced normalcy 

That came with it 

Oh to thank a warm body

For giving me what I want

All I wanted was to be listened to

Closely, like the snap of a twig 

Among rustling leaves

In a forest that may be haunted 

Rarely have I ever been grateful in the fall

It's lovely when it doesn't hurt

Roller-Disco Romp

My life is a costume party. That's my steadfast response to the incessant question posed to yours truly. Believe it or not (you totally believe it), I get asked "is it a costume party?" pretty frequently.Whatever I', doing, I'm going to dress the part. All the world's a stage, is it not? 

My friends & I decided that we can't just get wasted for every single birthday, because that's something we could do on a Wednesday afternoon. Not that we do this. (Habitually) To mix it up, my babygirl MaLeah requested that we go rollerskating for her birthday. Challenge accepted. I thought about dressing up super retro seventies roller-rink party, & then just slyly opt for rollerblades instead of legitimate, four chunky square wheel roller skates. This is because, to my knowledge, I can't rollerskate. Turns out, my group of friends and I are going to represent the USA for rollerskating in the next Olympics.

Active-wear. That's a thing, right? I detest when anyone says they wear jeans because they're "easy to move in". The last time I hopped a fence (circa 3 am on December 17th of last year) I was wearing a skintight backless black American Apparel mini-dress, so for just skating around, you bet your ass I'm not trying to "move around" in jeans. If you're so inclined, you should always move around in short short short-shorts with opaque stockings underneath for some semblance of modesty. Don't want to offend anyone when you're just trying to have fun. Also if you're going to go short & tight on bottom, you're gonna wana balance that out with long & loose on top. Once again, bitches be getting offended easily. Modest is hottest. 

& by modest I mean totally see-through sheer and rhinestone-emblazoned chiffon high-low shirt with a brightly colored bandeau underneath. One last note: if you're not rockin rollerskates (which, sorry, cuz that sucks) wear cowboy boots, because stocking-clad legs inside of big boots always look sleek & sleeeeender. It's still summer for a few more weeks! Go play!

Shopping links & info:

Seafoam rhinestone high-low top by Nastygal: http://www.nastygal.com/

Disco shorts by American Apparel (duh) : http://www.americanapparel.net/

Black ballet stockings by Capezio: http://www.capezio.com/

Loving You

Is like taking amphetamines
And lying down
Immediately afterward

For I Have Sinned

I love a good Wednesday Addams dress. Personally, I love anything with a collar because it allows me to show this classy, demure and girly side that I must posses somewhere deep inside my crazy soul.  Also I'm really into with the stark contrast between the soft, sheer black body & stiff bright white collar. I'm reminded of  the crisp neatness of Catholic nuns, a regular sight for almost the first half of my life. Being raised Catholic got me really heavily into the iconography of things, the aesthetics, and rituals. My views on faith & religion have become all too similar to my views on fashion: you honestly can choose which rules to follow, which rules to break. There is no right or wrong when it comes to something so personal.  

This dress achieves the perfect amount of class by pairing long sleeves and a high collar with a hem that's.... not that long.  This makes the dress incredibly versatile as far as styling it goes. When I'm pretending that I'm a fancy dancy model, this pairs well with platform heels that help flex all the little leg muscles that this dress shows off, and nude heels with bare legs will always, ALWAYS make your legs look longer. Believe me. At a teeny 5'1", I know these things. If you don't need to look taller, then (I'm jealous &) you can pair this with black heels, preferably Mary Janes for a look of ironically fashionable innocence. For scurrying around campus in the fall, I'm styling this with thick black opaque tights and navy blue lace-up loafers.

I would suggest wearing your hair up in a tidy topknot to really accentuate the collar and make that particular detail pop. The main reason I'm wearing my hair down here is because I just washed it for the first time in days and I wana show my uncharacteristic locks off! & I may have this kinky affinity towards innocence, but seriously. A black bow with this would be amazing.

In addition: IF ANYONE TELLS YOU YOUR DRESS IS TOO SHORT, TELL HIM OR HER TO GO TO HELL. Praying for their soul is up to you. 

UNIF Confessions dress: Dolls Kill

http://www.dollskill.com/shop/unif.html

http://unifclothing.com/

Faux patent leather nude platform pumps: Target

http://www.target.com/c/heels-pumps-shoes-women/-/N-5xtcw

(suggested)

black opaque ballet stockings: Capezio

http://www.capezio.com/Tights/

Zara loafers:

http://www.zara.com/us/en/woman/shoes-c269191.html

Born to be Wild

When cellphone ringtones first became a thing, my family went all out. Whenever my parents called me, we would hear the foreboding haunt of Beethoven’s Fifth, and when I called my mom, she had scheduled “Born to Wild” to play. Which is sweet, in a way. Leopard print will never be out of style. Leopard print will never be out of style for leopards

. And a leopard never changes its spots.

Regression is an ugly bitch. I need to get back to being where I was earlier this year: wild and free. A toned-down, medicated, mid-twenty-something version of wild and free. Including but not limited to: wasting days off sitting around in my underwear cutting things out of magazines, trying to sort out my feelings with sharpies, construction paper, stickers, and scotch tape. It means bingeing without purging. Three pots of coffee, an entire jar of peanut butter, and celebrating the queering of mainstream entrainment by binge-watching Orange is the New Black. If you haven’t watched it yet, it’s poignant, giggly, and meeeow. “Meow” gets me back on track. Leopard print, black clothes, and bright lips. The easiest way to feel better is to stop dressing shyly, to stop dressing sad, and start dressing like a wild animal.

Zebra comes and goes and Dooney rocked giraffe print for a season but as far as I’m concerned, rockstar-esque leopard print never goes out of style… for leopards.

Hotmes beanie: by UNIF, from Dolls Kill

www.dollskill.com/UNIF

Leopard print shorts: by Joyrich, from Dolls Kill

joyrich.com/