Peter Pan in a little black dress
I thought I could play with lost boys
And dazzling, half-naked mean mermaids
Forever, but downtown isn't Never Never Land
Of the free and home of the
Whiskey-bent and Hell-bound
So I traded the carnival and the rockstar carousel
For a breath of fresh hospital air
And my sanity, and some medicine
That makes me sick but makes me better
As far as being a person goes
Bile-yellow post-it notes sticky reminders
Come and go and this is just
An ekphrastic to a photograph of myself taken
Shortly after crying, wearing red lipstick
And everything was just so
And everyone wanted me and I just wanted
Someone to talk to
So I threw up all winter
And found solace in silence
And kept my thoughts and my hands to myself
For as long as I could bear
This cross that I never fucking asked for
Some days I am ready to die
And see what I come back as
I would love to be a dandelion
Or a thorny rose, or gecko
So adept at running away,
Or at least blending in
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