Thursday, January 16, 2014

Dress Bare Don't Care





Confession: my go-to accessories for a tight bodycon mini-dress are nervousness and apprehension. Honestly, I've worn this dress with so many other things over it that its almost some kind of heavy-handed bullshit extended metaphor for the way I need to cover myself up... Or. Or that's exactly what it is. When where why and how do girls start hating their bodies? Why is everything a double standard? Or a double edge sword? Why am I suddenly convinced at 3 am on a Thursday that rhetorical questions are acceptable to use in my writing? 
Lets face it - girls are fucked up. I'm fucked up, & I'll be the first to admit it. Okay, maybe I was the last person to admit it, BUT STILL. I bought the Black Milk pills dress in some semblance of solidarity with all my other mentally unstable girls. (Not in support of some sort of recreational drug abuse free-for-all; not that I judge.) This dress came in the mail, & I hung it in my closet, & hung my head in shame with all of the mixed feelings that came in the mail right with it. As one of my favorite poets Meg Freitag once wrote, "I’m trying to get into self-love, but I keep confusing it with self-lust." Sometimes I think I'm ugly & that's natural for any woman & any HUMAN. Sometimes I think I'm pretty, & then immediately wonder if this is vain. Maybe, but probably not. I like when I'm fearless and self-certain. This lil number was meant to be worn by itself, so it felt strange that wearing it as such was a gutsy move. Because being body positive is a gutsy move. Nothing good comes easy. No adventure & no personal growth has ever come from the comfort zone. Buy a crazy bodycon print dress. & don't style it with anything. Style it with skin. Or maybe just solid opaque stockings underneath. A statement necklace, scarf, or jazzy shoes. A statement piece for people to stare at instead of the little flaws you think you have. It is my true belief that no one is flawed on the outside. Here's how I will always, always explain body image-its the exact same concept when you hear your voice played back to you in a video, or on your answering machine. Your jaw drops, and you immediately wonder, "is that what I sound like?" Now amplify that thought at the realization that when you look in the mirror & don't like what you see... that's not what you look like.
I'm always going to be crazy. We all have issues, and maybe relapses that come with those issues. Our minds are a little wonky, &are easily influenced by everything & everyone around us. I am both for & against my body. At the end of the day, my body is one of the few things that is mine & mine alone. On some days its a work of art. On no day is it something to be ashamed of. This blog could have been two sentences. It could have read, "Wear tight clothes. It's not slutty." I honestly, & FINALLY appreciate being a woman. I don't know how to make everyone else feel the same. But it may or may not involve wearing tight clothes. Try it. You'll like it. 

Dress by Black Milk Clothing: blackmilkclothing.com/

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