I Woke up Sucking on Lemon

I woke up hungry, which reminds me that I’m still alive

Hungry for oatmeal, or a hunk of red meat that I could tear

To bits in my mouth like a beaten heart

I woke up hungry for hand-holding

And I think holding hands is what separates us from the animals

I think holdings hands is what separates lust from love 

Love is blind, but lust is 20/20

I woke up this morning and ended up eating

Oatmeal out of a bowl that used to belong to a former lover

The way I would eat out of the palm of his hand

As if I were never feral, as if my killer alley cat days

And nights were a dream, were just something I saw in a movie

 

How now, years and months, days and hours later

How can I still crave to de domesticated?

I cry for lack of lap-sitting, hand-holding, all I want is to be pet

I am clawing at the door of everything I’ll never admit that I want 

I have put every acidic insult or moment

Of silence like a soft square in the middle of my tongue

I let it all dissolve and sink into my core

I go down with the ship, I go out with the bathwater

I am neither here nor there, and everyone that I want

To be there isn’t anywhere to be found

And it isn’t anybody’s fault - it’s just the way

Early morning underwater earthquakes work